Dil Usse Milne Ke Liye Tadap Rha Hai – Main Kya Kru ?

Barson beet gye, uski aawaz nhi suni, use dekha bhi nhi. Bhagwan jaane kaisi hogi vo, utni hi khoobsurat hogi ya aur nikhar gyi hogi. Aaj 4 saale se jyada ho gya hai hume alag huye. Uske baad kabhi theek se baat nhi huyi. Shayad 2 saal phle Diwali ke din maine hi call karke Diwali ki badhayi di thi aur ek ya dedh minute isi bhane baat ho gyi thi. Uske baad aaj tak usse kabhi baat nhi ki, halanki kuch mahine pahle uske B’day par main use WhatsApp par message kiya hiya tha aur usne Thank you ka reply bhi kiya tha, par kabhi milna nhi hua.

Sach Btau to Main aisa nhi chahta ki vo meri Zindagi me vapas aa jaye aur na hi main uske liye pagal hu ki agr vo na mili to kuch kar baithunga, Main uske bina nhi reh sakta. Han jab hum saath the tab ki baat kuch alag thi but ab haalat kaafi had tak badal chuke hai. Shuruwaat me kuch din Main kaafi depression me rha lekin bhut jaldi hi Main Zindgi ki sacchai ko samajh gya, aur ab Mainek dum khush hoon aur dusron ko khush rakhne ki hamesha kosish karta hu. Isliye nhi ki maine bhut dard dekha hai and all that, balki isliye ki Mujhe dusron ke chehre par vo khushi bhut acchi lagti hai jisme mera koi yogdan ho.

Aaj Mera apna office hai, mere saath 15 se jyada log office me kaam karte hai aur isse meri acchi income ho jaati hai. Main, mera privar aur mere saath kaam karne wale sabhi log bhut khush hai aur Bhole nath ki kripa se shi mayne me Sukhi Zindgi jee rhe hai.

Main din bhar kaam me bhut busy rehta hu aur mujhe bilkul time nhi milta kuch aisa kaam karne ka jiska koi fayda ya koi matlab na ho. Subah 7 bje se raat 1 bje tak mujhe fursat nhi milti. Apna Business jisne kiya hoga use ye baat 1 second me samajh aa jayegi. Har waqt bhut tension aur kaam rehta hai. Kabhi net nhi chal rha, kabhi sites nhi chal rhi kabhi Inverter band ho gya, kabhi ye kabhi vo…. Business ki tension to hamesha hi rehti hai kyuki humare kaam me hamesha kuch na kuch locha hota rehta hai. Fir bhi in sab ke beech pura din bhut teji se beet jaata hai aur sab shi rehta hai.

Lekin,

Raat ko bhut muskil ho jaati hai mere liye. Ye baat mujhe aaj tak samjh nhi aati ki ye kya hai. Jaise hi Main raat me sab kaam khatam krne ke baad bistar lga ke lights Off karke bistar par let-ta hu to mere muh se apne aap hi uska naam nikal jaata hai, Hairani ki baat ye hai ki usse ek second pahle tak main uske baare me soch bhi nhi rha hota fir bhi us time pta nhi kha se vo mere dimag me ek dum se aa jaati hai, bilkul us tarah jaise vo wait kar rhi ho ki Main kab sone aau aur hum dono baatein krein.

Uske baad to jo silsila shuru hota hai uske baare me kya btau kuch samjh nhi aa rha. Main bhut kosish karta hu ki uske baare me kuch na sochu aur jaldi so jau kyunki subah jaldi uthna hai aur Walk pe jaana hai par Dil aur man dono maano mujhse request karte hai ki please use yaad karo, hume bhut accha lagta hai pls.

Usse Milne ke liye Dil tadap rha hai Main Kya Kru

Isi tarah har roj hota hai, pichle 4 saal se bhi jada time se har roj. Fir Main uske khyalon me kho jaata hu. Aankhein band karne par kabhi Mujhe vo time yaad aata hai jab main use pehli baar Sector 34 me mila tha, aur meri dhadkane mujhe vo feelings de rhi thi jo maine usse pehle aur uske baad fir bhi mehsoos nhi ki. Kabhi mujhe vo time yaad aata hai jab hum Garden me baith ke Khushi Khushi ek dusre ke saath Jeene-marne ki kamse khaya karte the.

In sab baaton ke beech mera khurafati dimag aisi khaniyan bnane lagta hai jise jeene ka mera man itna karta hai jitna is time kisi aur kaam ke liye nhi karta. Matlab agr vo khani kisi tarah sach ho jaaye to Mujhe jitni khushi hogi utni khushi mujhe nhi lagta mujhe aur kisi bhi cheez se ho sakti hai.

Uske baare me sochte sochte aur aisi hi khani bnate bnate main so jaata hu. Mujhe jab bhi koi bdi tension hoti hai ya mujhe koi dar lagta hai to Main uske baare me soch kar aur un khaniyon me ek aur khani jod kar apne sab dukh dard se kinara kar leta hu. Un khaniyon me Main pura story man me hi bna leta hu ki kaise Main use fir se milne ke liye bulaunga, vo kya response degi fir main usse kaise attitude se baat krunga aur jab hum milenge to Main kya kapde pehan kar jaunga, use Dinner me kya khilaunga is tarah ki bhut si baatein dimag me aise aati hai jaise main koi film dekh rha hu, mujhe vo sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayi deta hai aur ye sab dekhna aur feel karne me mujhe bhut maja aata hai.

Kyi baar Dil tadap kar usse milne ki gujarish karta hai mujhse, Main bhut baar phone haath me utha kar WhatsApp Open karke uska naam search krke baith jaata hu par message likhte time mujhe aur dusri bhut si baatein yaad aa jaati hai to main use message nhi karta kabhi.

Mujhe usse koi aas nhi hai, na hi use paane ki koi iccha par Main usse saccha pyar karta tha, pta nhi shayad ab bhi karta hu par Main khud nhi chahta ki vo meri Zindgi me aaye, hahahaha….. vaise bhi aisa kabhi hone bhi nhi wala. Main usse ek baar, bas ek bar milna chahta hu, lekin use kaise bulau. Agr main use msg krke kehta bhi hu ki “Mujhe aapse ek baar mila hai” to vo ye Zaroor puchegi ki – “Kyu”, to mIan kya jawab dunga. Ye to keh nhi sakta ki – Dil tujhe pukare, ho aaja, Tu aaja.

Pta nhi Zindagi me fir kabhi use dekh paunga bhi ki nhi, lekin uski yaadein mere Dil me hamesha rhegi aur Mere Dil ke ek kone me usse milne ki chahat Zindagi bhar machalti rhegi. Kaash kabhi ek baar vo mile to is pagal Dil ko chain aa jaaye.

Din to jaise Taise kat Jati hai
Raat Tanha Kat-ti nhi..

Feb 3rd, 2015.

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